Total Drama Lazer Titties!
by Ladydude
Summary: Season four fic! On the Island! U'll love it! 3333


**day 01: part 1: OMFG!**

TOTAL DRAMA LAZER TITTIES

Chris McClean stood on the Dock of Shame, hugging himself. He wore his usual tealish-blue (or whatever the fuck shade of blue it is) and his khaki shorts. Chef Hatchett tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the camera.

"Crap!" Chris immediately ceased hugging himself, hugged Chef, and began the introduction.

"Hello, Freakshows! Everyone's recovered from the weird shit that happened in Hawai, so I figured it's time we started season 4.

"This season's gonna be a little different, a _liiiiitle_ fucked up, and totally super super dramatic!"

"This is Total...Drama...LAZER TITTIES!"

Cue theme song!

* * *

_NOAH and CODY are talking. THE BEAR appears. CODEY jumps into NOAH's arms. They scream and run away._

_GWEN and TRENT are making love (teehee, pixellation). GWEN is mauled by THE PSYCHO KILLER WITH A CHAINSAW AND A HOOK._

_DUNCAN is sitting in ALEJANDRO's lap. They kiss; THE BEAR runs by chasing COURTNEY and EZEKIEL, who are gigglescreaming. THE BEAR slaps ALEJANDRO and glomps DUNCAN._

_Cut to MR. COCONUT being held by OWEN, who is holding JUSTINA. BETH watches on in jealousy before being distracted by HAROLD, who is running fastly away from SADIE with LESHAWNA in his arms. KATIE is jumping on to CHRIS's back and demanding a piggyback ride._

_IZZY is reading a book to EVA._

_TAYLOR and LINDSAY are dancing._

_DJ, BRIDGETTE, and GEOFF are laughing at HEATHER, who is being beaten up By SIERRA._

_CHRIS MCCLAIN, now riding on CHEF's back, grins, and gives the audience a thumbs up._

TOTAL DRAMA LAZER TITTIES _appears on screen in big, bloody Letters._

_

* * *

_

Chris McKlane was humming the Total Drama Theme Song when the first boat arrived. Lindsay flew off the boat.

"Hiiiiii!" she squeals, hugging Chris. Before he could respond, a Boot with Taylor on it arrived.

"OMFG TAYLOR!" she whispered quietly in all-caps.

They embraced in slow-mo for DRAMATIC AFFECT.

Gwen and Trent arrived on the same goat.

"Hello GwenTrentLindsayTaylor," Chris gabbled fastly.

"Gwen! Fuck you! We're through!" Trent said, breaking up with Gwen and eating a sandwich. Gwenny began to cry, sobbing her little blue eyes out and drowning them in tears.

Taylor was wearing his typical maroon-red tracksuit with the white markings (The T's stand for Taylor Tennison btw)

Lindsay was wearing a tight, low-cut V-neck maroon top and black super skinny Jeans. Her dyed blonde hair, which reached her ass, was straightened.

She decided to dye her hair black, so she stole Gwen's hair dye and ran to the communion bathrooms.

Noah arrived, wearing his typical outfit. He jumped off the boat. Cody arrived soon after, and they began doing the caramelldansen.

"Awwwww," Chris cooed, "you guys are soooooo kawaii!"

Noah immediately stopped dancing right away. "I'm not gay."

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAM:_

Noah - /_screaming, flailing his arms_/ I. AM. NOT. GAY!1!

* * *

Static!

Toronto's local lesbians, Katie and Sadie, were next to arrive. Katie squealled ("EEEEEEEEEEEEE!") and glomped Chris. He hugged her, making Chef growl with jealousness. Sadie looked around for Heather, who unfortunately had not arrived yet.

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAM:_

Katie and Sadie -

/_Katie_/ - OMFG, I heart Chris!

/_Sadie_/ - He is sooo cute!

/_Kadie_/ - TOTALLY cute!

/_Satie_/ - But I love Heather!

/_Katie_/ - You should totally ask her out, girl!

/_Sadie_/ - But I'm scared! I bet she's super totally straight!

/_Katie_/ - Of course she's not! She's so _totally_ gay!

/_Sadie_/ - But she hates fat girls!

/_Sadie_/ - Trust me, she'll _luh_-ve you!

/_This goes on for a long. fucking. time._/

* * *

Static!

Owen arrives with Mr. Coconut. He smiled and waved. "Hey guys," he calmyly said slowly. "What's up?"

"YO MoMMA!" NOAh shouted.

Owen sobbed.

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAM:_

Owen - /_happily_/ Noah's a fucking jerk! :D

* * *

Static!

Everyone else arrived. I'm too lazy to write it, use you're imagination.

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAME:_

Duncan and Alejandro - /_making out_/

-static!-

Gwen - /_crying_/

-static!-

Noah and Cody - We are going to kick ass! /_fistpump_/

-static!-

Taylor and Lindsay - /_cuddling_/

-static!-

Owen and Justin - /_camera shaking, moaning sounds. Holy pixellation!_/

Harold - I am definately gonna win this time eh.

-static!-

Ezekial - /_with his new British-Canadian accent_/ I am goin' ter kick yoh arse, eh.

-static!-

Izzy - /_reading_/

* * *

Static!

Chris McClane grinned at the plethora of 23 teens. "Come down to the campfire to meet our final conestant and form teams!" he demanded.

The campers began to chatter, wondering excitedly who it might be.

When they arrived at the campsite, they saw the bear patiently waiting, sitting on the fireplacething and reading _Seventeen._

"Okay, teams!" Chris beckoned for the campers to settle down. "Our first team consists of...

"Gwen." The goth looked up, her face streaked with eyeliner and waterproof mascara. Everyone laughed. She hid her face behind her porcelain hands.

"Sierra." The purple-haired stalker clapped when she heard her name.

"Lindsay." The blonde smiled, waved, and said hello.

"DJ." The Jamaican shrugged, looking uninterested.

"Owen." The fatass cheered.

"Justin." The fake-tan model began making out with his fuckbuddy Owen in celebration.

"The stereotypical black girl did not respond." Leshawna.

"Duncan." The punk looked at Gwen and growled angerly.

"Ezekiel." The homeschooled boy highfived DJ.

"Leshawna." She did not respond.

"Izzy." The psycho clapped and screamed.

"Harold." The lanky nerd hugged Leshawna, who didn't care.

"Beth." The garmfirl squealed and hugged Lindsay.

"Mr. Coconut." The coconut did not respond. He's a fucking coconut.

"You guys are…the Screaming Buttfucks!" Chris threw a poster at them. It hit Gwen in the face. Duncan, Noah, and Courtney cheered.

The poster had their team logo, which was two dudes shown from the shoulders up.

"Next team! The people on this team are…"

"Noah." No response from the sweatervest-clad teen, who was happy to not be on a team with such a gay name as the Screaming Buttfucks.

"Cody." The gap-toothed geek hugged Noah, who blushed and hugged him then pushed him away because he wasn't gay which made COdy sad.

"The bear." The furry creature began purring. Cody, terrified of cats, pissed his pants and hid behind Noah.

"Heather." The raven-haired Asian

"Katie and Sadie." The BFFFLS scream-squeal-screamed and hugged each other.

"Alejandro." The Lation looked sadly at Duncan, kissed him goodbye, and walked away over to his team.

"Taylor." Lindsay waved goodbye to the wannabe jock.

"Eva." She shrugged.

"Courtney." The CIT clapped because she wasn't on a team with Gewn.

"Bridgette." The surgeon smiled.

"Geoff." The party boy said chyeah.

"Trent." The guitarist high-fived Geoff.

"You guys are…the Killer Breadspeds!" Chris threw a poster at them. The poster hit Courtney. Everyone cried.

Their logo was a bedspread. Big surprise.

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAM:_

Duncan and Alejandro:

Duncan - /_sobbing_/ I'm gonna miss yoooooooou!

Alejandro – Don't cry, _mi amor._ Everything will be okay. /_kisses away his tears_/ Ich liebe dich.

* * *

Static!

"Okay, them's the teams!" Chris McCracken clapped and hugged Chef. Chef kissed his cheek.

"Awww," the campers that weren't Katie and Sadie awwed.

Static!

* * *

_CONFESSION CAM:_

Katie and Sadie:

Sadie – Omigosh, that was, like, so not cool.

Katie – SOOOOOOO not cool!

Sadie – So _totally_ not cool!

/_This goes on for a while._/

* * *

Static!

"The Screaming Gophers cabin now belongs to the Screaming Buttfucks. The Killer Bedspreads now own the Killer Bass cabinet. Go check out your cabins and meet me back here in ten."

Sierra was exited. "I _finally_ get to see the cabins IRL. OMFG!"

* * *

-end part one-

* * *

**did u guis lik it? il uplod teh nex prt asap!1!11! promis!**


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